Soooo....

I didn't binge yay! Got through the whole shift without fucking up. I used all your tips too lovelies so thank-you! I let myself have 80 cals worth of dark chocolate ( I figure it is slightly better then a big fuck off chocolate bar), so it brought my daily total to 520!

Weighed myself this morning (it's sunday- offish weigh in is tomorrow) And I am 63. YAY (138pounds, bmi: 20.1)

I doubt I'll lose much if any by tomorrow but oh well. Slow and Steady wins the race bitches!

Although it's not a lot I've lost .6 of a kilo since tuesday. (1.3 pounds) And I know I should be 62.2 kg tomorrow, but after my little not going to the toilet fiasco during the week I think I can forgive that haha. And i don't think my little schedule took into account bowel blockages lol.

I still have to get through today however and I am working this afternoon. I think it will be easier for me to resist temptation today, since I am not hungover, Sundays are usually "I want to crawl into a hole and die cos I'm so hungover" days. haha.

Sundays are also where my mother likes to pretend she is a right Martha Stewart and cook cakes and slices etc for 'the children's lunches'. FYI my brother is 17 and I am 20. Lol. Must resist this also.

I had a quiet night in last night, watched some of season one true blood, and had some laughs getting drunken texts from my friends. I'm saving my pennies (and liver) for next weekend- 3 21st birthdays in the one weekend, gah!!!!

This year has been the most expensive of my life.

Presents for all my friends turning 21!!!! Free bar tabs are fun but ;) :P

Hope your weekends are going splendidly!!

Love you all!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

63. Lost 5 kg (11 pounds). yay

Woooo 63!! Feeling great, part of me is thinking why am i not bingeing??? I can usually not control myself!! But i'm thinking it is because I have stopped talking the pill... Whenever i was on the pill i would have this insatiable hunger that I could never control. Alas for some reason I'm doing ok. I am trying to get as much sleep as possible because I tend to just want to binge when I am tried. It is hard... I have rehearsals 4 nights a week and dancing too, So that is taking my mind off most things. My mother has been a bit weird of late. Yesterday for example she asked me how my eating was going.. what kind of question is that i asked back. To which she replied, asking whether I had things in control.. Hmmm. Another example: "have you ever considered writing a blog?" I'm hoping this one is just a coincidence and she hasn't been going thru my computer....I always make sure i clear the history.. bUT she does work partly in i.t, so lets hope she isn't snooping!! LOL!!

My audition is next week.I am terrified. I know I don't have a great chance, but at least they chose me to aud in the first place.

Anyways, the bf and I are still fighting. He is so flirty with girls, (he thinks i am too with guys) and I hate that. Once he said to me that he feels threatened cos he thinks I am more attractive then he is, so yeah he does that for some reason to get my attention i guess?? I dunno. I don't want to lose him.. But there are many things about our relationship that I WISH would change.
I hardly ever go to his place, mainly because I never drive, but i wish i had a better relationship with his parents- not that it is bad or anything but I am so introverted and shy around them STILL. And I'm always worried that they might take that I'm snobby or rude... Actually I'm worried everyone sees me like that.

Anyways enough of this now, i have to go to class.
But last few days i have been having about 300 cals, which seems like sooo much food- ie- egg white omlette, organic pumpkin soup. But i guess that's just my screwed up perception of what is alot. I guess I'm just trying to have meals that are low calories..

Stay Strong. xx