63. Lost 5 kg (11 pounds). yay

Woooo 63!! Feeling great, part of me is thinking why am i not bingeing??? I can usually not control myself!! But i'm thinking it is because I have stopped talking the pill... Whenever i was on the pill i would have this insatiable hunger that I could never control. Alas for some reason I'm doing ok. I am trying to get as much sleep as possible because I tend to just want to binge when I am tried. It is hard... I have rehearsals 4 nights a week and dancing too, So that is taking my mind off most things. My mother has been a bit weird of late. Yesterday for example she asked me how my eating was going.. what kind of question is that i asked back. To which she replied, asking whether I had things in control.. Hmmm. Another example: "have you ever considered writing a blog?" I'm hoping this one is just a coincidence and she hasn't been going thru my computer....I always make sure i clear the history.. bUT she does work partly in i.t, so lets hope she isn't snooping!! LOL!!

My audition is next week.I am terrified. I know I don't have a great chance, but at least they chose me to aud in the first place.

Anyways, the bf and I are still fighting. He is so flirty with girls, (he thinks i am too with guys) and I hate that. Once he said to me that he feels threatened cos he thinks I am more attractive then he is, so yeah he does that for some reason to get my attention i guess?? I dunno. I don't want to lose him.. But there are many things about our relationship that I WISH would change.
I hardly ever go to his place, mainly because I never drive, but i wish i had a better relationship with his parents- not that it is bad or anything but I am so introverted and shy around them STILL. And I'm always worried that they might take that I'm snobby or rude... Actually I'm worried everyone sees me like that.

Anyways enough of this now, i have to go to class.
But last few days i have been having about 300 cals, which seems like sooo much food- ie- egg white omlette, organic pumpkin soup. But i guess that's just my screwed up perception of what is alot. I guess I'm just trying to have meals that are low calories..

Stay Strong. xx

Fasty fast

i ate sooooooo much on saturday. prob about 800-900 cals. eeep. So yesterday i fasted all day and today I have just had an egg white omlette. I'm about 64.fattttttttttttttt, which isn't what i wanted but better then the start. I'm worried I'm starting to plateau so I think tiny cals like 3 times a day should wake up my metab??? yes???

Yesterday the bf and i went to the movies and stopped at the candy bar to which he attempted to tempt me with an manner of fattening sweets- i resisted..thank god!!! He ate a whole pack of snakes in front of me but. gahhhhh Why do guys eat whatever and not put on any weight.blahhhh.

We are going away for the weekend in a couple of weeks for his bday, so i need to be really determined up until then and then (maybe) have half a piece of bday cake..or actually maybe i'll make him one, that way i can control calories hahah. I had a starvation fueled cry at him yesterday, probably cos i'm a needy bitch, but just cos i felt we havent been seeing it each other enough (once a week at best) and have not been so couply lately. Can't rem if i said that we have been together for about 4 or so years??? LONG TIME!!! but he is great... :) Despite when he sneakily tries to feed me, when he realises i'm lapsing!! gahhhhhhh

Anywaysssssssssssss, I'm being such an anti social ho lately, just cos i know my friends will be a bad influence, and i will cave and want to eat crap. I struggled so hard the other day not to have a drunken binge at maccas. oh well!!!

la la alaallaaaaaa so bored, day off today, i need something to do or il binge on something!!!!!!!!!!!!
x

The Old Days

ok so I'm just sitting here watching a movie thinking about the days where i would buy all this junk food and eat it in one sitting and then prepare myself for a massive purge when i was done. Ugh not a good way of doing things, I'm happy iv kinda eliminated the amount of times i do that, anyways i havent binged in about three weeks. So what am i eating now then? Jelly crystals and water haha.
Like i said going out for mums birthday tomorrow so hoping to flush u=out my system before any crazy eating tomorrow, which hopefully i can control!!gahh
I read about this new diet on Pretty thin, which is like the ABC but takes into account of the weekends (in case your like me and have parents who watch what u eat etc) on the weekend days it tends to be around 650. It's only 30 days long, and on the last day you fast. I'm thinking of trying that if i get out of hand tomorrow- i might need something to put me back on track :P
Today I have eaten- half a banana, egg white omlette and a small thai chicken salad. Which sounds like a shit load of food to me, i still think its alot, i have a little twinge of guilt- but it came around 300 cals. Plus i did a gym workout, where i usually burn about 400 cals, so i spose it's okkkkkkkkkaaaaayyy. Anyways was meant to see the bf tonight, but he cancelled, things are not going well we are fighting all the time ( we have been togther for about 4 years) so i dunno what will end up happening, i gave him the 'fine the ball is in your court' msg and have not heard from him yet. eeep. Whatever, I mean as much as i do not want to loose him, and he says he does not at all wanna break up, i need to learn to be independant, cos i am a princess, and he does shit for me all the time.
Anyways..
xx