miamiamiamiamiamiamiamia.

So I have been crazy with Mia lately. I wish I wouldnt binge and just simply restrict but i can't help it, it always takes over me- A doctor friend once told me that purging is pretty much worse than restricting, in terms of giving you a heart attack. Don't know how true this is, so don't take my word on it.
Anyways mia never leaves me. Mia is the only way I have control, and I dunno about you guys but straight after a purge I experience a wonderful high. Mia seems to of gotten me over my plateau too. Hmmm. It also allows me enough energy to exercise too.
lol I'm fucked. I wonder what randoms think when they come across these posts.
Anyways I signed up at the public library cos I want to borrow some e.d books, and don't want to have that on my uni library record lol.
How is everyone going?
Winning?
ps- any Harry Potter or Twilight fans?
Just saw the new Harry Potter trailer (OMG. but at the same time soooo sad for it to be over) and Twilight- although I am not a massive fan girl (no judging if you guys are) I have midnight tickets tomorrow night wooo.
lol
xx

Put me to bed.

Cannot sleep. Sleep is the only escape from food right now, and even it won't come.
I have spent the last 2 hours looking up photos on weheartit.com (great website if u haven't heard of it).
I cannot stop thinking about my boyfriend. (can i even call him that now?) Things r so screwed with me and him now. I need him.
I'm currently doing some stupid 48hr detox, which is making me feel so gross, who knows why i do water fasts all the time.
I am living for next wednesday when eclipse comes out lol. Allowing myself to be a bit out of control that day, otherwise till then restricting/fasting/exercising.
.....
...........
So I have a secret. Well a few people know. Anyway a year or so back I had a threesome with my friend and her boyfriend. Anywho her and I got drunk and went clubbing together this weekend passed. We talked about that night for the first time properly, to which she admitted that because of that night she now classifies herself as bisexual. So I turned someone. eep. Lol.
She also drunkenly asked what was 'wrong' with me. (Known me all through high-school) Said she always knew there was something wrong with me haha. I drunkenly told her about mia. Didn't go into massive detail, but she said she always knew anyways. It's weird knowing someone for that long I guess and not getting that close to them till years down the track. Odd.
Enough ramblings.
Shopping tomorrow. New dress for crazy uni end of semester party.
Love meeeee x

Tomorrow.

wishing, hoping that tomorrow will be better. that i WILL do this tomorrow.

FAT

i suck. I've put on two kilos.
ugh.
over it.

Lalalalalaaa

So. I'm sitting here drinking plain sparkling water to calm my stomach. Yes just purged ugh. My breakfast-Oats, ugh I'm back to throwing up healthy meals now. Bah!
Watching the O.c. Ryan and Marissa, what a beautiful couple. Mischa back in the day-amazing thinspo!!!! And it is riddled with future twilight stars too.
And I have rekindled my love affair with Seth Cohen. sigh.
Anyway my plan is to loose ten kg by the time i get back to uni.July 19. I think it's poss. I don't have much energy these days but. I'm thinking maybe diet pills, up my intake on diet red bull? Anyone ideas?
So two issues that are plaguing me currently:
1:Have not had my period in a couple of months. It's quite fun really. One less thing to stress about. But unfortunately it wont be because I am underweight, cos I have like 3 kg before that is the case.
2:I have turned into this sex crazed nymph. But this always happens to me when my ed goes haywire.. fun times. Too bad I haven't seen the bf in a week and it will be a few days till i see him again. gahh.
So really not much to be plagued over, but that is what's going on. Can't wait till I am officially on holidays!!
xxx

just fucking do it.

I just had this realisation today. I mean I have known this all along, but you know when things just hit you and make you think what. the. fuck.
well that was today.
i just realised i need to focus.
if i want this? I need to fucking work harder, i'm lucky(????) in that i have this ocd with ,my bingeing. If i p[lan to binge and even keep it down, ten minutes later i will purge it all up like a mad woman. I can't keep it down. But I need to stop this bingeing, i need to just not eat.
I want to lose ten kg by july 19?
poss?
howwwW???????
I think i will stay under 500 calories and do one day of liquid fasting a week. I will MAKE myself go to the gym and not sit at home thinking about it.
I have to change. This takes work. I won't just come to me. I want it enough to work really hard now.
ROARRRR i AM EMPOWERED.
lol
still could use some inspiration!!!!
xxx