Not Much to report...

Except that I have not binge/purged this whole week. wtf. what has gotten into me?? Who knows. Not food that's for sure. ha lol.

Me this week (hopefully) ha.

Anywho I've been eating around 300 calories each day. Been feeling fine. Not faint or anything. Which is new for me. Anywho I haven't been exercising, which is possibly why I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I would. I think I'm getting my period too, so could possibly screw up mondays weigh in.

My cat Shadow is really sick. His kidneys are failing. I dunno how u girls feel about your pets, but I've had shadow for over 14 years now and he is honestly part of the family. So yeah. tad sad :(

I've been kind of shit on commenting lately so hopefully I can catch up on you babes tomorrow. It's 1.20 am. Tired.

Stay Strong.

Quickie (not the sexual variety...)

Such a long day at uni. Rehearsals went on forever, just getting home now (10.45 pm). Quick Post then I need to sleep.

Fasting tomorrow!!!

Rules for myself:

*No food.

*heaps of water.

*daily vitamins.

*any zero calorie soft drink.

Anyone who wants to join can, these are my rules for tomorrow! Feel free to do it however you like- water only/ some fruit/vegies/ etc etc- Whatever works for your body- we are all different remember! :)

Intake today: No vomiting wooooo- have not even had time/a chance to binge/ have a proper meal so that's why. Probs would have if I was at home alone and not at uni.

2 pepsi maxes

half a serving of vegie cous-cous- about 150-200

shit load of water

ok bed.

night girls. Remember to post how you go if you are fasting :)

x

just fucking do it.

I just had this realisation today. I mean I have known this all along, but you know when things just hit you and make you think what. the. fuck.
well that was today.
i just realised i need to focus.
if i want this? I need to fucking work harder, i'm lucky(????) in that i have this ocd with ,my bingeing. If i p[lan to binge and even keep it down, ten minutes later i will purge it all up like a mad woman. I can't keep it down. But I need to stop this bingeing, i need to just not eat.
I want to lose ten kg by july 19?
poss?
howwwW???????
I think i will stay under 500 calories and do one day of liquid fasting a week. I will MAKE myself go to the gym and not sit at home thinking about it.
I have to change. This takes work. I won't just come to me. I want it enough to work really hard now.
ROARRRR i AM EMPOWERED.
lol
still could use some inspiration!!!!
xxx

Plateau

ughh.
So i think i'm going through a plateau. Probably cos I am religiously eating 250-300 calories per day. I know i need to pump up my metab but I'm a bit scared that if i eat a bit more, it will work to my disadvantage. Plus my cousin is coming over on friday to hang out, which means lots of junk food. I'm planning on just starving all day and hopefully the binge wont be anymore than 800. I couldn't stand to eat any more than that right now. And haven't in a while actually. hmmm. So my cousin is one of those girls who are naturally super skinny. But i mean I don't want that, i like the way skinny looks when you have to make more of an effort. :P Anyway i know she will prob come around with all manner of chocolate and icecreams- i told her about my probable break up and that was her answer. Ugh she knows me too well. Love myself a good binge. ha.

How long will this plateau last??!!!!??? It's killing me. I'm worried i'll slip up. I thrive on success. I need some in the next few days!! I am also going to a 21st on saturday where there will be people there from primary school. gah So a bit of a reunion. Planning on looking like a fierce fox ha.

Anyway, stay strong!xx

62.

So i am back to 62 yay. That didn't really take much to get back on track after my crazy 'normal' eating patterns!!!
This weekend is going to be pretty social, so i'm hoping food wont become the better of me!
Had my dance class yesterday...everyone was so thin and beautiful. I wish I had a toned terrific dancers body!!
Anyway, i think i work well when i have an event in sight that i want to be at a goal weight for- atm i have heaps of 21st's of childhood friends i haven't seen in ages...so that is pretty much my inspiration- i would like to be 60 or under by the first one coming up-may 22. So we shall see how that goes. I usually look forward to a day off as well (which i know is bad, but it's just how i get thru). So it will probably be when my cousin comes to stay on the 23rd of may. So like a week and a half of restriction then a day off. I'm usually having about 200-300 calories per day, eating alot of vegies and fruit. I'm definitely getting results.
Anyway... uni now!
xx

ugh

i knew there would come a time when I fucked it up.
It started after my audition on wednesday, it was terrible, so so hard, i got depressed and immediately went for food, I had a HUGE binge, like ice cream, chips, lollies, block of chocolate. I thought i would absorb, but alas i had a freak out and purged until i couldnt speak. gross gross gross!! why do i do this???!??!?!?!?
So I vowed to myself I would get back on track, alas thurs and fri came and i had already fucked it up by eating normal meals, like pasta, heaps of dairy etc. It just makes me realise how much i love the feeling of being empty and light, full feels so unhealthy to me.
Saturday and sunday I had low calorie days, mainly cos i had a small binge but then purged and went without dinner. I don't want this to be the way things go, i hate bingeing and purging so so much, Wish i could just starve...

I need inspiration.
I read a post by Kemper today and it just summed up the way i feel. You should read it, at least i know there are people out there who feel the same way...

Where are my friends? Who are my true friends? I have 'friends' but i still get this intense alone feeling, Where is my life? I have no money, I have a shit degree, i haven't 'made it', my boyfriend and i are on the verge of ending things after nearly 5 years, my mum hates me, i am so so normal.
i hate normal.
i want to be better than that.

ugh

stay stronger than me
xx