This weekend my purging body has turned against me. This weekend it made me extra puffy. It made me break out. It made me even more ghostly pale than normal. It made me particularly irritable. It made me nearly consider seeing my doctor. But I snapped out of that idea almost as soon as it occurred to me. I'm not ready for that shit.
I went out on the weekend and ending up having a communal purge with a fellow bulimic. Gross. Weird. And we found ourselves drunkenly sharing tips. Sickos lol.
Haven't talked to the ex in nearly two weeks(since we broke up), that's the longest in four years. Actually Killing me. I am doing the worst things to get my mind off it-smoking, bingeing, purging, facebooking, drinking, kissing gay boys. (ughh haven't found a straight one to kiss yet- i guess that's what u get for doing theatre). I really just want to cry my eyes out about it, but the only time i've been able to cry was when I have been drunk lol.
Miss u girls..
Oh and I am attempting to not binge/purge till saturday. I know I will probably still find myself purging dinner but I'm going to try one thing at a time.
so aims for this week:
1: No bingeing> (putting a stop to the binge/purge)
2:minimal calories 500ish- mainly fruit/veg
3:exercise everyday
4:water water water
5:vitamins
hmmm anything else??
Ps- I got a new scale. It weighs two kilos heavier... I don't know what is correct oh fuck... Planning on using scale for kilos lost rather than current weight- as don't know what to believe.
x
xx
Showing posts with label cry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cry. Show all posts
Monday, August 2, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
blah blah blah
So i went to a strip club last night! lol.
It was actually fun...and not to mention great thinspo. Watching these super skinny superhuman women do their thing on the pole is enough to make anyone self-conscious. Great bodies but some ugly faces though.
Anyway.
I'm just over 61 today... which is pretty cool considering i went out last night and drank a shit load! No getting complacent But hey, my body is being good to me :)
I still haven't gotten my period ugh.. I'm hoping it's just cos i recently stopped taking the pill and my body is re-adjusting, rather then being pregnant or some shit.lol.
ughh The boyfriend and i have been fighting so much lately. Just about silly things, we are both naturally jealous people,yet tend to flirt alot with other people alot, which most of the time is the topic of fighting. I always get in stages during a fight where I am just like-"fuck you, don't need you." bUT then i think of something cute that he does, or a little trait of his that makes me love him and i change my mind. I dunno what to do. There is no point being in a relationship that has this many downs all the time, but i need to work out whether these issues are worth staying together.
We both don't agree with breaks, so if we end it, we end it for good, no contact no nothing. All the stress with him+uni+parents on my back+ lack of money+ auditions+ no success is not making me very hungry, i'm finding it pretty easy to restrict. I had a big cry this morning about the boyfriend, then about my body etc, and it just turned into this massive sook fest.ugh. I locked myself in my room, cried for a bit then made myself do the washing and clean my room to take my mind of this dumb life. Nothing like a good distraction.
Every day I range from about 200 up to 600 calories (most days are lower) but whatever i am doing, it seems to be working. I haven't really noticed too much of a difference in the 7kg iv lost, but my pants are looser etc.
anyway stay strong.
x
It was actually fun...and not to mention great thinspo. Watching these super skinny superhuman women do their thing on the pole is enough to make anyone self-conscious. Great bodies but some ugly faces though.
Anyway.
I'm just over 61 today... which is pretty cool considering i went out last night and drank a shit load! No getting complacent But hey, my body is being good to me :)
I still haven't gotten my period ugh.. I'm hoping it's just cos i recently stopped taking the pill and my body is re-adjusting, rather then being pregnant or some shit.lol.
ughh The boyfriend and i have been fighting so much lately. Just about silly things, we are both naturally jealous people,yet tend to flirt alot with other people alot, which most of the time is the topic of fighting. I always get in stages during a fight where I am just like-"fuck you, don't need you." bUT then i think of something cute that he does, or a little trait of his that makes me love him and i change my mind. I dunno what to do. There is no point being in a relationship that has this many downs all the time, but i need to work out whether these issues are worth staying together.
We both don't agree with breaks, so if we end it, we end it for good, no contact no nothing. All the stress with him+uni+parents on my back+ lack of money+ auditions+ no success is not making me very hungry, i'm finding it pretty easy to restrict. I had a big cry this morning about the boyfriend, then about my body etc, and it just turned into this massive sook fest.ugh. I locked myself in my room, cried for a bit then made myself do the washing and clean my room to take my mind of this dumb life. Nothing like a good distraction.
Every day I range from about 200 up to 600 calories (most days are lower) but whatever i am doing, it seems to be working. I haven't really noticed too much of a difference in the 7kg iv lost, but my pants are looser etc.
anyway stay strong.
x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)