boys and bulimia

So the ex wants to get back together.. I knew this would happen. He has been saying all types of things like he will never stop loving me, he never did, he can't live without me in his life blah blah.

I told him I will not get back with him for a long time. I need to see that he is serious about this and us... and I don't wan't to rush back into things. I mean we have been together or breaking up for five years... I think I need time to find my independence. I still love him like crazy and he is my best friend so that's hard. Anyway I told him this and he says he will wait for as long as it takes. eeeep.

He knows I'm kissing other boys too...awkward.. I had a massive drunken cry to him on saturday night about my eating issues and how much I hate myself blah blah. He was lovely, and looked after me the whole night. We fucked. ooops. Oh well, I mean we aren't a thing and it was cool so whatever hahah.

In terms of diet- back to all my fucked up ways- bingeing, purging, attempting to eat normally and not care until I freak out again. ugh.

I guess I'm functioning atm but...

Christmas is so soon ! Fuck fuck fuck!!

No idea what to get my parents or brother.. it's his 18th on christmas day so I need two lots of presents!!!!!!!!

x

Complain, cos it's what I'm good at ha

I don't have mono. Which I am very very relieved about. This is kinda sick, but I was almost hoping I would have it so I could just stay in bed all day, not eating, being a hermit. Yes! Hit me that was terrible of me!!! EEEEEEEEEEEP

I'm still sick but, I've got a virus but I'll be ok. Worst time to be sick- exam season, show season, audition season etc etc.

I've got an audition for Love Never Dies next week, which is the worst timing- am so lucky to get an agent call for it, but I barely have a voice cos of my throat and blah blah blah. So I know it won't be the best audition. Never Mind! Everything happens for a reason i suppose.

I haven't vomited in two days. Ha which is pretty good. Sometimes I honestly just think I am never going to stop. I just can't. I'll probably die of it. Dramatic I know...but ugh. It's never ending.

Has anyone stopped for good?

Whilst I haven't been vomiting I've just been living off strawberries, tuna and mineral water.

HA this post is so typical of me, complain about throwing up, complain about mia, complaining about uni complain complain complain

Haven't complained about boys yet but....

Boys:

I NEED ACTION.

None of this hooking up bull shit. There is only so much satisfaction I can get out of something with batteries haha.

I think what i want is a little fling- a fuck buddy, who I can get lots of attention from and who will take me out... Ha sounds like a boyfriend almost...hmmmm It's just so hard to meet straight boys waaaaaaaaaaa

In other news the silly kitten knocked over detergent when I wasn't home and has gotten sick from it. He will be ok, but I think it was probably him just being a diva and cracking a spaz for me locking him in the laundry.

"Take this bitch, I'm gonna trash the place unless you let me out, hiss hiss"

Had fun reading your blogs tonight and catching up on your lives :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hellooooooooooooo

blah been so fucking busy!!!! Pulling out my hair!! I've actually been so busy I have been forgetting to eat. I know. how does that happen??? To me of all people!!

Anyway I'm about 62 atm.

News:

*Met some beautiful boys in the weekend, they have been texting non stop!! fun fun fun!!

*the ex will be at the same 21st as me on november 27th- operation be a babe and make him jealous begins now

*the cat has a few names- Dobby, Toulouse, Bali. haha. Poor kitty having an identity crisis.

*going out for a massive house party tonight- miss house parties so much!!! Clubbing is fun but not the same haha

*grandfinal replay this weekend, more food fml.

*I graduate in like a month. wtf.

*I'm still vomiting.

miss you girls

xx

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Pixiestix is back! Yayyyyy I have missed her blogging!! In answer to the question about singing: I have sung, acted all my life, I got an agent a few years back so I have gotten a fair bit of professional work now, which is great :)

I am going to fast this thursday! Who ever wants to join can!! I think i'll change the day i fast every week, just to keep it interesting. Feeling motivated by the public humiliation. Seriously you girls keep me in check haha. Whoever wants to do this can, we can start our own little routine ;)

Also reading a post on PrettyThin and was excited by this website: http://losertown.org/eats/cal.php
It tells you week by week what your weight would be depending on your exercise/calorie limit. Judging by this, If I continue to exercise 3-5 times a week and eat 800 cals, I'll be down to my tentative goal weight of 50kg(bmi 16) as opposed to current 21 (bleurgh) by November. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I thought 800 cals was more than reasonable, I wouldn't eat that every day but I guess it allows for any fuck ups.

I haven't vomited/binged all day. I've had about 400 calories, been to the gym and done 8 minute abs and buns.

Still no sign of the sex drought ending... haha. I have potentials (guys showing interest) but I'm being picky, they just don't get me excited below the belt lawl!!!!! Plus they are being too keen. And I hate that. I like some mystery.
I had a sex dream the other night about the guy in the Katy Perry- teenage dream film clip. hahah the closest i am getting to the peen atm is in my dreams.
This is him if you don't know what I am talking about:




But seriously girls, we can do this!!!! We can be what we all dream of being. And we are going to do it together.

LAME.

HAHA.
But seriously :P

xx