Holidays!!!

Hey guys!

Merry xmas and a happy new year!!

I feel like I have so much to tell you!

First off hope you all had amazing christmases and that Santa brought you everything you want ;)

Just a little story for you-well you know how the ex is back on the scene trying to repair everything?? Well on christmas eve I get a knock on my bedroom window at about 1am. And it is him telling me he has a surprise for me. lol So i get a little angry, cos 1- he woke me up, and 2- we aren't dating so i don't want any surprises. Anyway he eventually convinces me to close my eyes and come outside.

So I get outside and my entire backyard is full of fairy lights and candles- EVERYWHERE. It honestly looked so magical and pretty. In the middle of the backyard he had put a pink rug with more candles surrounding it and a giant box. On top of the box was this long letter about how much he loves me and needs me in his life blah blah... The box had inside so much binge food lol- coconut mnm's, cookies and cream everything, lollies, coconut rough etc. ugh. A big Marilyn Monroe book, a Lady Gaga biography and a signed program from the Australian cast of Hairspray, including this personalised message from my idol who is in the show. So he did good. At the time I was angry- cos it's such a 'couply'/boyfriend/girlfriend thing to do.. but I'm getting over that and realising that it was a nice gesture.

Other news- I briefly tried 'recovering' for a few weeks but as usual that fails lol. And is especially hard during 'binge season' (festive season). ha

I am so excited because I am going to America this year- in June/july/august. I have never been and I am beside myself with pure excitement. My best friend has been studying in England for the past year so she decided to come back via America and I'm gonna meet her there!! Give me advice tell me what's amazing!!! :) Our big thing atm is that we are not to sure on where to spend the 4th of July. What's good?

Love you girls!

xx

boys and bulimia

So the ex wants to get back together.. I knew this would happen. He has been saying all types of things like he will never stop loving me, he never did, he can't live without me in his life blah blah.

I told him I will not get back with him for a long time. I need to see that he is serious about this and us... and I don't wan't to rush back into things. I mean we have been together or breaking up for five years... I think I need time to find my independence. I still love him like crazy and he is my best friend so that's hard. Anyway I told him this and he says he will wait for as long as it takes. eeeep.

He knows I'm kissing other boys too...awkward.. I had a massive drunken cry to him on saturday night about my eating issues and how much I hate myself blah blah. He was lovely, and looked after me the whole night. We fucked. ooops. Oh well, I mean we aren't a thing and it was cool so whatever hahah.

In terms of diet- back to all my fucked up ways- bingeing, purging, attempting to eat normally and not care until I freak out again. ugh.

I guess I'm functioning atm but...

Christmas is so soon ! Fuck fuck fuck!!

No idea what to get my parents or brother.. it's his 18th on christmas day so I need two lots of presents!!!!!!!!

x

Update and some pics

So the meeting with the ex went...okay. We said hi and that's it. Friends said he was staring at me the entire night...awkward lol. I stalked his facebook after (i de-friended him when we broke up lol) and he had written all these statuses being like "...is so so so stupid" and "hate that i miss you" etc... The only thing he said to me was when I was leaving, he came up to me told me I looked amazing and when I pretended i didn't hear he said I looked beautiful haha. Mission accomplished- get him kicking himself. He has since asked me for coffee and told me he misses me in his life- he hasn't said anything about getting back together but that's what it kinda sounds like. I won't take him back now. He has had too many chances.

In other news- had a terrible audition yesterday and proceeded to binge because i was so depressed :( fml. Will fast today and tomorrow.

Photos as promised!

This is what i wore on sat- kinda slutty, tight and showed alot of boobs but whatever

And yes I know I look fat still!!!!!!

My hair-

That was before- yes I know I am wearing a harry potter costume haha

and after- Not too blonde just some highlights.

xx

Day nine

ugh major period plateau! My weight has barely shifted in the last few days. All up I have lost 5 kg (11 pounds) now on the fast.
I should finish my period today/tomorrow so maybe magically I will drop a billion kilos haha.

Seeing the ex tomorrow. ughh I so don't want to... But I am hoping to come across to him as a strong amazon babe/unicorn who doesn't need him (even tho I'm a fucking nut case) hah.

A friend told me yesterday that there is supposedly some rule for how long you should let yourself 'get over someone'. You should allow as many months for the years you were together. So we were together for all up five years- so I should allow myself 5 months to be fully over it. I'm definitely nearly there, I don't get sad, or miss him anymore, I'm just a little bitter towards him. But hey, we were never going to be friends haha.

Hope you all have a good weekend! I believe it is Thanksgiving? Thank god we by pass that one down here!!

xx

Day Seven

So I got my period yesterday ughh, and i feel like i've bloated up so much! Lost 4 and a half kilos (9.9 pounds). I'm hoping that the slow weight loss is cos of that and not cos I've hit a plateau or anything! Do you girls struggle at that time of the month?

My lovely little brother told me I looked skinnier today :) <3>

I'm loving holidays right now, went to the beach last night, shopping today, sleep in's, sun baking, getting my hair done on saturday(i'll post a pic)!

Day Five

Just about to finish day 5 now!

Lost just over 3kg, I'm still huge ugh my bmi is still around 20, so there is no way I will start getting complacent and think about being easy on myself! I don't deserve to be 'treated'!! I have so much work to do! I want to be hard on myself, I think it's the only way I will end up getting what I want.

Went out with my 'hubby' (best gay friend) tonight to dinner- he got Pad Thai, I drank water. Oh god. Would absolutely love a noodle dish right about now...but resisting temptation.

I'm terrified that I will turn into a bingeing monster when the detox is over...MUST STAY STRONG AND FOCUSED.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx8GCOdyUUM

My friend sent me this link today- it's of cute, skinny,indie looking male models- so if that's your thing- CLICK!

Some of them are cute!! Some of them are too boyish and not man enough for me haha

Goodnight!!

xoxo

Day four

Just woke up to day four!

Lost 2 and a half kg! yayyyy!!

I can't really notice anything yet but :S.... Hoping to lose another 6 by Saturday!

Yesterday was so hard, went out for dinner with friends- they had huge plates of noodles and honey chicken and bread- was definitely having fantasies about bingeing/purging that! ha.

Staying strong however.

this week my plan is to lounge around and sunbake, maybe go to the beach! I love summer so much!!!!!!

I'm gonna dye my hair this week too, thinking putting some blonde in, lightening it up for summer!! eeeeeeeee!!

Life is going well I think!!! :)

xoxox