Complain, cos it's what I'm good at ha

I don't have mono. Which I am very very relieved about. This is kinda sick, but I was almost hoping I would have it so I could just stay in bed all day, not eating, being a hermit. Yes! Hit me that was terrible of me!!! EEEEEEEEEEEP

I'm still sick but, I've got a virus but I'll be ok. Worst time to be sick- exam season, show season, audition season etc etc.

I've got an audition for Love Never Dies next week, which is the worst timing- am so lucky to get an agent call for it, but I barely have a voice cos of my throat and blah blah blah. So I know it won't be the best audition. Never Mind! Everything happens for a reason i suppose.

I haven't vomited in two days. Ha which is pretty good. Sometimes I honestly just think I am never going to stop. I just can't. I'll probably die of it. Dramatic I know...but ugh. It's never ending.

Has anyone stopped for good?

Whilst I haven't been vomiting I've just been living off strawberries, tuna and mineral water.

HA this post is so typical of me, complain about throwing up, complain about mia, complaining about uni complain complain complain

Haven't complained about boys yet but....

Boys:

I NEED ACTION.

None of this hooking up bull shit. There is only so much satisfaction I can get out of something with batteries haha.

I think what i want is a little fling- a fuck buddy, who I can get lots of attention from and who will take me out... Ha sounds like a boyfriend almost...hmmmm It's just so hard to meet straight boys waaaaaaaaaaa

In other news the silly kitten knocked over detergent when I wasn't home and has gotten sick from it. He will be ok, but I think it was probably him just being a diva and cracking a spaz for me locking him in the laundry.

"Take this bitch, I'm gonna trash the place unless you let me out, hiss hiss"

Had fun reading your blogs tonight and catching up on your lives :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sooooo struggling right now. ughh

Hey Babes,

So I had such a good night. The hotel was so nice- amazing views of the city, modern furnishings, comfy beds. We got trashed before we went out on cheap champagne, cocktails and downed shots whilst we danced around getting ready. Didn't end up gambling just went out to some bars at the casino, then to a club for the after party!

So this is me pre wasted:


And during wasted:



lol so clearly a bit of a difference. As you can see, I'm still abit para about showing my face on here. I wish I wasn't, I want so much just to share everything with you girls. But maybe one day.

Anyways, I had a huge convo with one of my friends- recovering/functioning anorexic. It's funny comparing the way in which we deal with food- she is a strict restricter and I obviously binge/purge// eat/purge. Yesterday she ate like two snowpeas, two cans of sugar free energy drink and all that alcohol. So strong. Don't know how she does it. I guess the bulimic mentality is very different to the anorexic mentality but.

My intake today has been actually preposterous. lol. Not even the fact that I went for a walk/ did 8 minute abs/buns will help me. gahhhh.

I don't think I will ever be able to continually lose weight for a long time in the state I am in. And you can see by the pics that I aren't anywhere near 'small'. It only ever comes off when I learn how to control my purging. fuck fuck fuck. My life is summarised by the notion of "oh fuck it." I'll stuff, vomit, stuff vomit, restrict, stuff stuff stuff, vomit.

Any girls out there managed to successfully lessen the amount of times they purge?? Howwwwwwwwwww you magical creatures??????

So I didn't really mean for this to turn into a big complaining fest but oh well!!!

TOMORROW WIL BE BETTER.