It's a dirty free for all.

Thank you for the comments! I love you guys. Such amazing people you all are! I imagine you mean alot to those around you... (not just me :) )

I love hotels. I remember getting home from the party at about 5 or so the other night, and went for a walk along the corridors of the hotel as my friends were passing out left right and centre in our room. It was fun getting lost by myself in my numbed state, staring at the city lights out the window, walking past room after room of people tucked up in bed. It was so quiet. And so peaceful.


Today has been a good day for intake. I tentatively decided to fast but it didn't really work out- dinner with fam etc etc. So I decided with the anorexic part of my brain and went for something low calorie rather then the bulimic part of the brain which would say "Go on, eat pad thai, and 4 helpings of dessert in like ten minutes- you can just vomit it all up". Lol I'm serious that's how I always think. Anyway I decided on sushi. So I go to this quaint little japanese place up the road (side note: was served by this gorgeous petite japanese goddess- immediate thinspo) which I have never been to before. I order this 5 pack of spicy tuna pieces. In an effort to look experienced/comfortable with japanese cuisine (I only ever get the pre-made rolls at uni) I order this pretty much to avoid saying words such as "inari", "Futomaki", "Maguro" etc. LOL

Anyway I get it home start to eat it, and realise it's the raw tuna, which I hate. GAHHH I asked for the wrong thing. So I ate two pieces and palmed the rest of it onto my mum who was already eating pad thai. So according to calorieking.com they are 30 calories a piece. WIN. Defs getting the cooked tuna next time.

So that puts me at 60 calories today.

Probably going to be a Nanna and go to bed soon- it's 9.15. Who am I????!?!?!? LOL. But to be honest I have had a tiring day: dancing, and alot of physically/emotionally draining acting rehearsals. I am spent. Plus saving myself for the 'Ke$ha' style state I will probs get myself into tomorrow night HA. Especially with "a water bottle full of whisky in my hand bag" lol. Oh Kesh. lyrical genius. HA.



I also have to vote tomorrow- first election. Have tried to be a responsible Australian citizen and research each political party. :)

Have a good weekend my friends.

xoxox

sooooo struggling right now. ughh

Hey Babes,

So I had such a good night. The hotel was so nice- amazing views of the city, modern furnishings, comfy beds. We got trashed before we went out on cheap champagne, cocktails and downed shots whilst we danced around getting ready. Didn't end up gambling just went out to some bars at the casino, then to a club for the after party!

So this is me pre wasted:


And during wasted:



lol so clearly a bit of a difference. As you can see, I'm still abit para about showing my face on here. I wish I wasn't, I want so much just to share everything with you girls. But maybe one day.

Anyways, I had a huge convo with one of my friends- recovering/functioning anorexic. It's funny comparing the way in which we deal with food- she is a strict restricter and I obviously binge/purge// eat/purge. Yesterday she ate like two snowpeas, two cans of sugar free energy drink and all that alcohol. So strong. Don't know how she does it. I guess the bulimic mentality is very different to the anorexic mentality but.

My intake today has been actually preposterous. lol. Not even the fact that I went for a walk/ did 8 minute abs/buns will help me. gahhhh.

I don't think I will ever be able to continually lose weight for a long time in the state I am in. And you can see by the pics that I aren't anywhere near 'small'. It only ever comes off when I learn how to control my purging. fuck fuck fuck. My life is summarised by the notion of "oh fuck it." I'll stuff, vomit, stuff vomit, restrict, stuff stuff stuff, vomit.

Any girls out there managed to successfully lessen the amount of times they purge?? Howwwwwwwwwww you magical creatures??????

So I didn't really mean for this to turn into a big complaining fest but oh well!!!

TOMORROW WIL BE BETTER.