I don't want to be bulimic anymore. Can I just not today? Can it just be a matter of simple choice, like wearing these pants instead of those. Can it be a "shot-gun not"? Can I play the part of the anorexic instead of the bulimic now? Oh please cast me please!?
I want to be full of emptiness.
I don't want to be full-empty-full-empty-full-empty-full-empty.full.fat.
I don't. The only way I will stop this is if I don't eat. or die. The second sometimes seems easier.
I think about it. I wouldn't though.
What am I talking about here. Excuse me but my electrolytes are out of whack.
Maybe I'll be back in action tomorrow.
Agh tomorrow. a new day. also monday. Monday equals weigh in. Public humiliation.
Bring it on.
I need a beating.
I wonder If I would stop purging if I chopped my purge fingers off. Nah. I'd probably shove something else down there.
Upside:I had an amazing weekend. I kissed a boy. A life gaurd. That's so australian maaaaaaaate.
I'm fucked.
