I don't want to be bulimic anymore. Can I just not today? Can it just be a matter of simple choice, like wearing these pants instead of those. Can it be a "shot-gun not"? Can I play the part of the anorexic instead of the bulimic now? Oh please cast me please!?
I want to be full of emptiness.
I don't want to be full-empty-full-empty-full-empty-full-empty.full.fat.
I don't. The only way I will stop this is if I don't eat. or die. The second sometimes seems easier.
I think about it. I wouldn't though.
What am I talking about here. Excuse me but my electrolytes are out of whack.
Maybe I'll be back in action tomorrow.
Agh tomorrow. a new day. also monday. Monday equals weigh in. Public humiliation.
Bring it on.
I need a beating.
I wonder If I would stop purging if I chopped my purge fingers off. Nah. I'd probably shove something else down there.
Upside:I had an amazing weekend. I kissed a boy. A life gaurd. That's so australian maaaaaaaate.
I'm fucked.
Kissing a boy, a life guard, is definitely an upside (:
ReplyDeleteAnd although I'm not bulimic (or at least not a purging bulimic), I know what you mean about the full-empty cycle. So I hope you can break it- either way.
xx v
Im a lifeguard :)
ReplyDeleteWill you kiss me :) hahaha jk
Good luck on becoming un-bulimic! lol
For real though... I really hope you have an awesome week :)
Lilah
Stay strong :) You're sweet and special you'll make it through! Come on you're a tough Aussie! lmao
ReplyDeleteKudos on the lifeguard :) feast on boys lips nom nom nom
Lol us Aussies dont all say maaaaate
ReplyDeletePlease tell me it was a bondi rescue lifeguard
hahaha
oooh lifeguard eh? thats hot!
ReplyDeletei know how you feel, it isnt as easy as just... stopping. i used to purge 3-5 times a day and i wawnted to stop, like you so i broke it down little by little, only purge maybe one or twice until it doesnt happen anymore. it worked for me, hopefully it helps you too!
xoxo
*Cuddles* Have you tried manicures with nice nailpolish? It might help as a deterrent or just make you find something else a la fingerectomy.
ReplyDeleteYou can beat it! One mouthful at a time :)
Aw, I hope you start to feel better! You CAN beat this, gorgeous. <3
ReplyDelete