boys and bulimia

So the ex wants to get back together.. I knew this would happen. He has been saying all types of things like he will never stop loving me, he never did, he can't live without me in his life blah blah.

I told him I will not get back with him for a long time. I need to see that he is serious about this and us... and I don't wan't to rush back into things. I mean we have been together or breaking up for five years... I think I need time to find my independence. I still love him like crazy and he is my best friend so that's hard. Anyway I told him this and he says he will wait for as long as it takes. eeeep.

He knows I'm kissing other boys too...awkward.. I had a massive drunken cry to him on saturday night about my eating issues and how much I hate myself blah blah. He was lovely, and looked after me the whole night. We fucked. ooops. Oh well, I mean we aren't a thing and it was cool so whatever hahah.

In terms of diet- back to all my fucked up ways- bingeing, purging, attempting to eat normally and not care until I freak out again. ugh.

I guess I'm functioning atm but...

Christmas is so soon ! Fuck fuck fuck!!

No idea what to get my parents or brother.. it's his 18th on christmas day so I need two lots of presents!!!!!!!!

x

HOLIDAY

babes.

on holidays now.

I cannot wait to get into posting all the time again!!

So bulimia has been epic these last few weeks- epic as in. Bingeing is out of this world out of control, vomiting every day, every meal, I look puffy and sick! ugh!

Anyway. I managed to convince my mum that detoxing for ten days (fasting) would help to rejuvenate my vocal chords haha. She actually believed me. So as of thursday i'm fasting for ten days. woot. Cannot wait.

This ties in well, cos I have a party I want to be tiny for- ex nd old school friends will be there. ugh

Hope you are all well!

OMG HARRY POTTER TOMORROW!!!!

FNWUF;BWUIFGBUWRLBGWILBGWRLBFGIRLBFWIALBWARLI

miamiamiamiamiamiamiamia.

So I have been crazy with Mia lately. I wish I wouldnt binge and just simply restrict but i can't help it, it always takes over me- A doctor friend once told me that purging is pretty much worse than restricting, in terms of giving you a heart attack. Don't know how true this is, so don't take my word on it.
Anyways mia never leaves me. Mia is the only way I have control, and I dunno about you guys but straight after a purge I experience a wonderful high. Mia seems to of gotten me over my plateau too. Hmmm. It also allows me enough energy to exercise too.
lol I'm fucked. I wonder what randoms think when they come across these posts.
Anyways I signed up at the public library cos I want to borrow some e.d books, and don't want to have that on my uni library record lol.
How is everyone going?
Winning?
ps- any Harry Potter or Twilight fans?
Just saw the new Harry Potter trailer (OMG. but at the same time soooo sad for it to be over) and Twilight- although I am not a massive fan girl (no judging if you guys are) I have midnight tickets tomorrow night wooo.
lol
xx

feeling good!!

hey guys,
so iv had a great weekend!! I have had no social life ha, stayed at home and studied and pretty much lived in Pretty thin!! (we love it)
And today I have eaten one banana and one apple and a long black, woo. I feel so empty which i love the feeling of, god how i missed this. I have to eat little amounts cos i know if i start binging i'll feel the need to vomit and get into mia again, which is not good, mia makes me crazy and i tend to have mini breakdowns. ha. Don't get me wrong i still do it ughh, alot of the time i cant help it, as soon as the idea gets into my head i go nuts!!!
gahhh!
So iv started documenting my journey in photos for myself too, it's funny i found some i took during the lowest and although thinner i still feel gross.

Iv pretty much stocked up on jelly too!! I have such a sweet tooth i need it!!
Oh and some great news, i have an audition coming up for a big pro musical!! gahhhhh so thin i must get!!
stay strong!!
xx