Going Cold Turkey

This weekend my purging body has turned against me. This weekend it made me extra puffy. It made me break out. It made me even more ghostly pale than normal. It made me particularly irritable. It made me nearly consider seeing my doctor. But I snapped out of that idea almost as soon as it occurred to me. I'm not ready for that shit.
I went out on the weekend and ending up having a communal purge with a fellow bulimic. Gross. Weird. And we found ourselves drunkenly sharing tips. Sickos lol.

Haven't talked to the ex in nearly two weeks(since we broke up), that's the longest in four years. Actually Killing me. I am doing the worst things to get my mind off it-smoking, bingeing, purging, facebooking, drinking, kissing gay boys. (ughh haven't found a straight one to kiss yet- i guess that's what u get for doing theatre). I really just want to cry my eyes out about it, but the only time i've been able to cry was when I have been drunk lol.

Miss u girls..

Oh and I am attempting to not binge/purge till saturday. I know I will probably still find myself purging dinner but I'm going to try one thing at a time.

so aims for this week:
1: No bingeing> (putting a stop to the binge/purge)
2:minimal calories 500ish- mainly fruit/veg
3:exercise everyday
4:water water water
5:vitamins

hmmm anything else??
Ps- I got a new scale. It weighs two kilos heavier... I don't know what is correct oh fuck... Planning on using scale for kilos lost rather than current weight- as don't know what to believe.

x




xx

So i have been so proud of myself!!! One example, yesterday my boyfriend bought me a chocolate bar and proceeded to eat one in front of me to which i managed to resist. Oh god I love chocolate. At the moment I am under 64kg, I really need some new scales.. Maybe il buy a new pair...Hmmm just not sure how expensive they are but..
Today: omelette recipe i got off pretty thin (i omitted egg yolks but to bring the cal content right down) So that was about 80 cals, and then half a bowl of vegetable soup my mum made. Suprisingly I'm feeling ok and am able to resist the urge to binge like a crazy cow lol.
It is my mums birthday this sat, and the reservation is for a chinese restaurant, gahhh i wont be able to avoid eating, and i want to try and resist the urge to purge, so i think i will fast all day and research healthiest options!!!
Anyways I briefly thought of letting my self have a half day off on sat, but i don't think i can control myself and at the same time it makes me sick that i would even consider it.. ughh so really i haven't come too far.
I love empty. It lets me know I am progressing somehow.

Anyways test at uni tomorrow, so must go study, however how i met your mother is distracting me!!!!
xx