This weekend my purging body has turned against me. This weekend it made me extra puffy. It made me break out. It made me even more ghostly pale than normal. It made me particularly irritable. It made me nearly consider seeing my doctor. But I snapped out of that idea almost as soon as it occurred to me. I'm not ready for that shit.
I went out on the weekend and ending up having a communal purge with a fellow bulimic. Gross. Weird. And we found ourselves drunkenly sharing tips. Sickos lol.
Haven't talked to the ex in nearly two weeks(since we broke up), that's the longest in four years. Actually Killing me. I am doing the worst things to get my mind off it-smoking, bingeing, purging, facebooking, drinking, kissing gay boys. (ughh haven't found a straight one to kiss yet- i guess that's what u get for doing theatre). I really just want to cry my eyes out about it, but the only time i've been able to cry was when I have been drunk lol.
Miss u girls..
Oh and I am attempting to not binge/purge till saturday. I know I will probably still find myself purging dinner but I'm going to try one thing at a time.
so aims for this week:
1: No bingeing> (putting a stop to the binge/purge)
2:minimal calories 500ish- mainly fruit/veg
3:exercise everyday
4:water water water
5:vitamins
hmmm anything else??
Ps- I got a new scale. It weighs two kilos heavier... I don't know what is correct oh fuck... Planning on using scale for kilos lost rather than current weight- as don't know what to believe.
x
xx
I hate it when I get on another scale and its different, I wish there was a way to know whats right
ReplyDeleteHaha kissing gay boys... Are you in a theater class or something? When I was in high school I was in the theater department, we were all like on big orgy family it was hilarious and freaky.
ReplyDeleteHow long were you with your ex?
[O.O]
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why its taken me so long to come to your blog since I see your name lots, but hey :) here I am!
You helped me procrastinate science (good thing), so thank you :)
From your new follower
xX
stay strong lovely xx
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your goals! And I hope things start to feel better for you regarding your ex. <3
ReplyDeleteI study Performing Arts, and work in film and theatre too, so gay boys are everywhere. Lol It SOOO does become a big orgy.. hahah.
ReplyDeletemy ex, we have been together since I was fifteen.... so five years. We had little break ups along the way where we "broke up for two weeks but would still see each other". So I usually say 4 or 5 years.
fucked up. We were best friends too, so I've lost someone I love in both ways. gah.
thanks babes!xx
I agree, she really is beautiful. And I would email her, I just don't know how to find out that kind of information. :]
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you're trying not to. I hope you'll be okay in the end about the whole ex thing. :] Much love. <3
wow 4-5 years is a long time! Sorry sweetie.
ReplyDelete