weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Pixiestix is back! Yayyyyy I have missed her blogging!! In answer to the question about singing: I have sung, acted all my life, I got an agent a few years back so I have gotten a fair bit of professional work now, which is great :)

I am going to fast this thursday! Who ever wants to join can!! I think i'll change the day i fast every week, just to keep it interesting. Feeling motivated by the public humiliation. Seriously you girls keep me in check haha. Whoever wants to do this can, we can start our own little routine ;)

Also reading a post on PrettyThin and was excited by this website: http://losertown.org/eats/cal.php
It tells you week by week what your weight would be depending on your exercise/calorie limit. Judging by this, If I continue to exercise 3-5 times a week and eat 800 cals, I'll be down to my tentative goal weight of 50kg(bmi 16) as opposed to current 21 (bleurgh) by November. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I thought 800 cals was more than reasonable, I wouldn't eat that every day but I guess it allows for any fuck ups.

I haven't vomited/binged all day. I've had about 400 calories, been to the gym and done 8 minute abs and buns.

Still no sign of the sex drought ending... haha. I have potentials (guys showing interest) but I'm being picky, they just don't get me excited below the belt lawl!!!!! Plus they are being too keen. And I hate that. I like some mystery.
I had a sex dream the other night about the guy in the Katy Perry- teenage dream film clip. hahah the closest i am getting to the peen atm is in my dreams.
This is him if you don't know what I am talking about:




But seriously girls, we can do this!!!! We can be what we all dream of being. And we are going to do it together.

LAME.

HAHA.
But seriously :P

xx

NEED.

fat weekend.
Not much to report other then I ate like a 'normal person'+ purges. Which automatically makes me hate life. lol.

I've been thinking lately that I really need to evaluate what I'm doing in my life. I finish my degree this year. I really need to take advice of my agent and put myself out there. I need to stop spending money on binges and spend money on my future and marketing myself better. Which means;
*new clothes frequently
*hair coloured frequently
*teeth fixed (they are straight just my two front teeth are a tad longer then the others- plus they aren't pearly whites because of the purging.
*new headshots/show reel/studio time

Mia makes me so weak and lazy, I wish I could starve starve starve. Which is a terribly thing to wish I know. So many of you girls are struggling and here I am wishing this. Ugh.

I get angry with myself- I have these mini realisations all the time, and my motivation lasts for a while, then comes and goes in bursts. Don't get me wrong my motivation to perform is always there, it's just my crazy fucked up thoughts that get in the way.
I need to stop being so fucking lazy. I have all these people who believe in me, sometimes I feel like I am throwing it all away, I just get so overwhelmed in my eating/emotions and being a drama queen. I need a change. My teacher is helping me get into acting/music schools/agencies in London. I need to get out of my little bubble.

I need to make realistic goals. I aim to lose 5 kg by the start of October. Which is completely realistic- pretty much an amount anyone could lose healthily. 5 kg at least by then. I wont be doing it the 'standard' way. I'm not talking about recovery here. I'm talking about *fingers crossed* stopping binges, not purging multiple times a day, restricting and exercising more.
Exercise will be gym 5 days a week still in combo with daily 8 minute abs and buns. And of course my standard movement/dance/flex classes.



I think I will try giving you girls weekly weigh ins, hopefully this 'public humiliation' will motivate me to not fail. Lol. Starting the following week. You all have permission to shame me if I fail hideously.

I think I'll fast one day a week also. If anyone ever wants to join, let me know and we can blog/chat about it together.

Ugh AND just as I thought I was getting over everything The Script release this new song which pretty much could be called Ava-Rose's recent break up.

PS- I need a shag. haha.

Starving works...

it's tuesday! And I fasted all day!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Currently high on starvation lol.
I feel great for not purging, don't get me wrong it has been on my mind ALL day. I have been out all day, away from food with only money to get around so not possible for me to eat anyways. I have done a gym workout, walked heaps and done at least 200 sit ups. YAYY go me... but seriously what is wrong with me...where is this motivation coming from???!!?!? haha. But we all know it wont be long before I'm spending my pay on planned binges/purges lol. sigh.

Last night I watched this movie- Elvis and Anabelle. Here is the wikipedia link- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elvis_and_Anabelle

But just quickly it stars- Blake Lively- massive babe!! and she is tall like me!!! She plays a beauty queen who suffers from bulimia. Has anyone seen it?


How is everyone going?

Love~
xx

Yesterday!

Went so well! A one hour walk in the morning- I'm not much of a runner sigh, but i power walk! :)
The fast went very well! I ate a plate of undressed salad (lettuce, tomato and cucumber) at lunch but I had planned on that anyway. So a bit of a wimpy fast-not my usual eat absolutely nothing water only rules. :P Oh well I feel emptier today, and SO much better for not purging/bingeing.
I worked for 8 hours dancing on a tv shoot so i got so much exercise in yesterday too, So I am feeling pretty pleased. Haven't had a chance to weigh myself- my mum confiscated the scales to her bathroom and she is currently home. I 'm sending subliminal messages to her from the other room- FUCKING LEAVE BITCH!
LOL
When I got home last night I saw that my Dad had brought my favourite bread and I immediately made a note that I would probably be purging half the loaf tomorrow. So now that I have woken up in crazy/possessed/must binge NOW mode and seen mum still here, I am kinda freaking out lol. So I've pretty much locked myself away from the kitchen to avoid vacuuming the whole pantry. That is until she leaves and I am home alone to binge and purge till my hearts content. Fucked? Yeah I figured that out a while ago!

So I am sad now that I have finished reading Wasted, god Marya writes well. My library doesn't have Wintergirls atm; anyone got any good ones to read?

So I worked out that Adriana Lima and I are the same height and I weigh about 10 kg more than her!!! Apparently she is 51kg (110 pounds??). What a babe. sigh.

Back to uni next week, I usually end up going one of two ways in times of stress and business- binge/purge even more violently or just forget to eat. I hope it's the latter!

xx