Hellooooooooooooo

blah been so fucking busy!!!! Pulling out my hair!! I've actually been so busy I have been forgetting to eat. I know. how does that happen??? To me of all people!!

Anyway I'm about 62 atm.

News:

*Met some beautiful boys in the weekend, they have been texting non stop!! fun fun fun!!

*the ex will be at the same 21st as me on november 27th- operation be a babe and make him jealous begins now

*the cat has a few names- Dobby, Toulouse, Bali. haha. Poor kitty having an identity crisis.

*going out for a massive house party tonight- miss house parties so much!!! Clubbing is fun but not the same haha

*grandfinal replay this weekend, more food fml.

*I graduate in like a month. wtf.

*I'm still vomiting.

miss you girls

xx

Sorry Babes!!

So I know I have been a bit absent!

Well it's because my mum came home with this kitten the other day lol.

We haven't named him yet- any ideas??

But he has the funniest personality! Very curious, lots of energy and affectionate! He is fascinated by lap tops lol and always tries to get into bed with everyone (slut ;) ) haha

It does feel kinda early to get a new cat after Shadow, and I kinda cracked it at my mum. She explained that my brother (who is doing his final high school exams atm (vce)) needs something to gets his mind off things and help him relax- so if it helps him I'm happy!

Other then that I have been super busy at uni- rehearsals, photo shoots blah blah.

I'm going to weigh in tomorrow (friday)! Food wise I have been doing well, throwing up a bit again (ugh), and I gained after last weeks binge, so fucked up alot of my good work!! grrrr.

This weekend is a big one for australians- we have the football grand final lol. Which means lots of alcohol and bbq's and all kinds of scary food ha. Planning on eating a 'normal' diet calorie intake (1200). I figure if I do this, i might avoid a binge. Fingers crossed!!

Help me name my kitty!!!!!!!!

love u!!

xoxox

The honeymoon never lasts long...

So today has been a huge fuck up! I knew it was only so long until id turn into a bingeing monster!!

It all started when it was raining and cold this morning- don't knock it- I starve/work out the best when the sun is shining!

I ate my strawberries for breakfast and then went mental. 5 pieces of bread, a turkish roll, biscuits, ice creams, block of chocolate etc etc.

Skipped class and stayed at home so I could vomit.

Did it all again this afternoon!

Gah.

Look I'm disappointed. But it would have been unrealistic of me to expect a smooth run. I figure one day isn't too bad considering I used to be b/p every day, multiple times. I will probably gain, but I'm hoping to lose it by water fasting tomorrow.

Although I feel like a mammoth right now, there is always tomorrow I suppose.

BooHoo.

62.8

This morning I weighed 62.8kg (bmi: 20).

Which is a hell of a surprise since I also got my period this morning. GAH.

A lovely surprise it was. Hmmmm.

Anyways Just thought I'd let you all know :) Hopefully I won't gain this week because of it!!

oh.

And.

NO BINGEING YESTERDAY! Well I had about 900 calories, but I didn't end up gaining which was great- I lost a bit yay!

Anyways off to the gym now, to work this freakin' period pain away!!!

HAHA. Lol.

Soooo....

I didn't binge yay! Got through the whole shift without fucking up. I used all your tips too lovelies so thank-you! I let myself have 80 cals worth of dark chocolate ( I figure it is slightly better then a big fuck off chocolate bar), so it brought my daily total to 520!

Weighed myself this morning (it's sunday- offish weigh in is tomorrow) And I am 63. YAY (138pounds, bmi: 20.1)

I doubt I'll lose much if any by tomorrow but oh well. Slow and Steady wins the race bitches!

Although it's not a lot I've lost .6 of a kilo since tuesday. (1.3 pounds) And I know I should be 62.2 kg tomorrow, but after my little not going to the toilet fiasco during the week I think I can forgive that haha. And i don't think my little schedule took into account bowel blockages lol.

I still have to get through today however and I am working this afternoon. I think it will be easier for me to resist temptation today, since I am not hungover, Sundays are usually "I want to crawl into a hole and die cos I'm so hungover" days. haha.

Sundays are also where my mother likes to pretend she is a right Martha Stewart and cook cakes and slices etc for 'the children's lunches'. FYI my brother is 17 and I am 20. Lol. Must resist this also.

I had a quiet night in last night, watched some of season one true blood, and had some laughs getting drunken texts from my friends. I'm saving my pennies (and liver) for next weekend- 3 21st birthdays in the one weekend, gah!!!!

This year has been the most expensive of my life.

Presents for all my friends turning 21!!!! Free bar tabs are fun but ;) :P

Hope your weekends are going splendidly!!

Love you all!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Great News.

So I went to the toilet ha.

This morning. Great news right??? It wasn't that big, but fairly good size I think.

hahah stfu Ava?

Anyway I read on the internet about how vitamin c is really good for regular 'movements', so i simply took some before I went to bed and what do you know!? Went this morning! I figured I'd try it first before i have a small binge/up my cal intake. Mainly because (it's a bit OCD) But i know as soon as I up my intake it's very probable that i would freak out-think 'oh what the fuck' and binge and purge.

Speaking of Binges.

I am dying here. I have had so many cravings to just eat crap lately (this week- perhaps getting my rags (do any of you call it that, is or it an australian thing lol?))- mainly coconut rough and white chocolate raspberry bullets, and maybe some bread. I nearly fucked up today- got home from uni early home alone, and there was fresh bread, chocolate and icecream.

I JUST managed to resist, had a cup of green tea and locked myself in my room haha.

I don't know how much longer I can go on. My bulimic self is not used to so much restricting!!!! Considering a planned binge/purge tomorrow???????!?!!?!??! eeeeeeeep. I can see myself slipping up majorly!!!

Anyways tomorrow I'm working 9-5 (Did I ever mention that I work in a cafe on weekends?). I know wtf right. This means:

Coffee, hot chocolate, cheesecake, mudcake, moussecake, eclairs, vanilla slices, caramel slices, biscuits, rockey road.

Pretty much a binge eaters wet dream right here.

It is so easy for me to just grab something and eat on the job. MUST FUCKING RESIST.

Haven't managed to weigh myself yet either so not sure if the toilet stop helped. haha.

Thank-you for all your suggestions and well wishing for me to go to the toilet. HAHAHAH. I feel like I'm a two year old ahahahhaha.

What should I do about my binge urges?????

Plateau. Again.

Majorly plateauing! WTF!

I have been the same weight since monday. It's thursday!! And I have been doing so well!!!! Exercising every day, drinking heaps of water, low calorie intake- but not the same every day and it won't budge!!! What am I doing wrong????

It may have something to do with the fact that I haven't been to the toilet in nearly a week (gross i know)!!!!!!!

Other then that NOTHING has been going on. Lame I know, just the usual uni, rehearsals etc etc.

The sun started coming through my window yesterday, which reminds me SUMMER is approaching, which excites me and scares me.... BIKINI'S!!!!!!!

My Window.

Jets bikini- love this brand. That and Seafolly. http://www.seafolly.com/australia - Jessica Hart models alot of Seafolly, she is amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.

So yeah, only news is that I am terrified i won't be at next goal weight on monday!!

What helps you lovelies get over a plateau? For me, if I've been restricting for ages...it is usually a small binge (gah!!!!!!!)

Love reading your blogs, it has become like my fave hobby now. Get home from uni, get my mac, lounge around and read about YOUR LIVES! weeeeeeeeeeeeee

63.6

You girls are all so lovely and beautiful. Thanks so much for all your comments. I got a bit teary reading them all. I'm very lucky to have you all following and commenting. Virtually hugging you all!

Ok so since I haven't posted- Father's Day on Sunday (so much food everywhere) i said to myself that for that day I could eat 'normally' (about 1000 calories). Didn't go very well. I freaked out and vomited twice. Ugh.

Anywho. The weigh in. Am currently weighing 63.6 (bmi: 20.3) Which is good. I'm happy with that. According to the calendar weight I should be 63.5, So 100 grams over is ok considering my freak out binge/purge. Next weeks weight should be 62.2. So here's hoping.

Today is my day off uni. I'm having a lovely day floating around in my lace pjs, smoking, watching skins season three, drinking pepsi max. Do you girls like Skins? What's your fave season?

So tonight I'm going out for dinner for my nan's birthday- Chinese restaurant. Struggling majorly with what to order. Any ideas- healthy (low cal- I don't want to purge) and tasty? It will be my one meal.

Thanks again sweets! I'll miss Shadow :(

Onwards and upwards.

ps- thanks for the beautiful arm comment- made me laugh haha

xx

RIP.

We just put Shadow to sleep. He was really suffering towards the end. I hate writing sad posts. Just came back from the vet now. Feeling very sad.

I don't want to be all depressed and sorry for myself, but this year has positively sucked. My Grandpa passing, the break up and Shadow who I've known as long as I remember.

Everyone suffers in some way, so I know I'm not the only one. I guess things can only get better.

The pic is of him with me on my bed a few months back. He was a Siamese. With blue cross-eyes lol. A little deformity; but it made him special.

RIP Shadow.

Not Much to report...

Except that I have not binge/purged this whole week. wtf. what has gotten into me?? Who knows. Not food that's for sure. ha lol.

Me this week (hopefully) ha.

Anywho I've been eating around 300 calories each day. Been feeling fine. Not faint or anything. Which is new for me. Anywho I haven't been exercising, which is possibly why I haven't lost as much weight as I thought I would. I think I'm getting my period too, so could possibly screw up mondays weigh in.

My cat Shadow is really sick. His kidneys are failing. I dunno how u girls feel about your pets, but I've had shadow for over 14 years now and he is honestly part of the family. So yeah. tad sad :(

I've been kind of shit on commenting lately so hopefully I can catch up on you babes tomorrow. It's 1.20 am. Tired.

Stay Strong.